New Haven Independent

Let’s see where should I start? I do not think I could have been more scared to sit at your [blacked out] with mama so close, I loved watching you [blacked out]. It all eased up a little when [blacked out] showed up, what another amazing girl, I am proud to say she is my friend. Then after the meet, [blacked out] (another amazing lady) brought you to me. That I will never forget, hell we go to her house and she welcomes me in with open arms. How amazing was that? And then she allows me to take you out for a good while, again, how amazing was that? And believe you me, I had a great time that night. You feel so great in my arms, I really never wanted to let you go, ever. I could look into your beautiful eyes all day long, as long as they are looking at me with love. I love the softness of your skin when I touch you. And the softness of your touch when you touch me. I really did not want to go to my room that night, I wanted to spend the night with you. But [blacked out] does not put that much trust in me, I guess, I understand where she was coming from. Then we move on to Saturday, [blacked out] let’s me in the house at [blacked out] to be with you. Then she leaves me along in her house with two beautiful girls, while she goes to work. WOW, that told me she trusted me somewhat. Now we have each other all day. And what a day it was (13 hours), we made out on the floor, in the kitchen, and in [blacked out] bed. When you asked if I wanted to shower with you, I really thought you were kidding. Again, if I knew then what I know now, I would have been in there with you. [Blacked out] showed me that she trusted me by walking around in her bra, that’s cool. And when you came out of the shower, I so wanted to pull off that towel. I wanted to make love to you right there and then. But you continued to pull up the towel every time it started to slip off, then you hit me with DO NOT LOOK, that hurt me bad. I did not want to say anything then, and I did not know you were kidding when y ou said that. You did not have to get dressed so fast if you wanted it too, if you did not want to have intercourse, that would have been fine. I would have loved to just eat you out until you came all over my face, and maybe get a blow job in return. That would have been awesome, I thought that there was something wrong with me (too fat or too old) to make you act like you were, and that killed me again. Then we go for a ride so I can get [blacked out] a bottle of wine, then back to house. Then 15 minutes before [blacked out] was suppose to come home you started to loosen up, again I wanted to eat you out then. I did love playing with your clit, but I really wanted to suck on it. Then I go out for a cigarette and you actually thought I left you without saying goodbye. That hurt again because you even thought it, then you read my message. And then you stuck the knife into my chest, with the only thing that would have stopped you from making love with me was [blacked out] that hurt bad. And yes I was ready to leave right there, and if you would have went in the house I would have left right there and then. If you would have explained that [blacked out] knows that you are a virgin and you did not want to have to explain to him why you were not anymore if we did something, then I would have understood. You really need to think before you speak, you are really going to get yourself in trouble one of these day’s. Then we go to the mall, and you moan about me wanting to buy me something. When you called and said we had to go, I was looking at a diamond, 3 Tear drop necklace for you on sale for $199.00. It would have represented the tears that we shed for each other all the time. It was killing me knowing that I had to give you back in a couple of hours, that is why i was crying and went for a walk. You are the main reason I am still alive right now, and on one appreciates that more than me, thank you! Then on the way to the place where I was staying the night, you started to give the most sensual blow job I have ever got, but for some reason you stopped so quick, probably something I did again. I did not want you to stop, oh baby it felt wonderful. I have a hard time believeing that you never gave someone head before, I thought you said before that you did. I am going to have to look back in the old messages on yahoo and see. It hurts my heart to look at your page and see you and [blacked out] kissing. Now, what really tears at my heart is all of those voice mails! Like I want you to come to CT. and fuck me hard, of I wanted to suck your cock so bad, or I want you to eat me out until I come all over your face. Now why would you say that to me if you never really wanted me to do any of that? Now, as I said all along that things were going to change when [blacked out] came into the picture, and you kept saying no, never think that. But I was right again, some things changed. And it kills me to think that you can not tell me these things. I no longer want to be your first, I want it to be special between us. I do not want it to hurt when we make love, so go and have sex, because that is what it will be, everyone is too young to know how to make love yet. So when you are no longer a virgin, it will hurt me when you are not anymore and at the same tim I will be happy that you will be ready the next time. So when you are no longer scared of me hurting you or making you have to explain yourself to [blacked out] Then and only then will I come back to see you again baby doll, I want to be able to show you and give you all of the love that I can give. You are beautiful, and I love you with my whole heart. You man the world to me [victim’s name]. I will talk to you later babydoll, Kisses* <3 xoxoxoxo I am going to give you room to breath, I will not be sending you very many messages or comments any more, no phone calls_ except when you say I can call, but only if I ask. I do not want to get in the way. You have fun for now, start planning on the next visit I will be there for two or three days next time too. I am not sure when though, that will be up to you. When ever you are not scared of me hurting you anymore when we make love and you are out of school. It is getting harder and harder for me to leave you. I hate the fact that I am going to start to look older and I would not want you to be embarrassed to be seen with me. I am comming this summer if you are ready for me to come this time. Sooner or later I am going to run out of excuses to come to you. What if this summer was the last time I would be able to see you for a few years, or worse, never, and I was never allowed to make love to you. I showed you what love is and how it feels, and I want to show you how making love feels too, not just sex because there is a difference, most people learn that with age. It would probably put me in a nut house or in the ground if I didn’t, I can not imagine life wihtout you in it, in some way. I hope this explains everything that I was too scared to tell you before, in fear that you would not love me and tell me to leave you alone. I hated that I made you cry on the stteps at the [blacked out] it killed part of my heart when I looked into your eyes and seen how bad I hurt you when I said I was leaving because I wanted you so bad but I see that will never happen. I am glad I stayed, because I might never have made it home, I was mad at what you said to me ans I hated myself for making you cry like that and run away from me, a big part of me died that day. I am sorry for all of the heart ache and trouble I caused you. I love you babydoll, MISS ME BABY!!