New Haven Independent

Governor M. Jodi Rell says, “Read my lips….no new taxes.” Her fix for a $3-4 billion dollar budget hole next year includes early retirements (which never wind up saving that much), increasing fees (which allegedly aren’t taxes) and a shopping bag of other sleight-of-hand maneuvers.

Also included in the fix for this year’s mess: cutting spending for prescription drug and dental programs for the poor, because clearly they need neither; and allowing the state’s two casinos to serve alcohol 24 hours a day, because when I think of Connecticut I want to think of it as the state where I can get drunk and broke at the same time.

Perfect. We’ll take “Constitution State” off the license plate and replace it with “Drunken State.”

But if you are thinking of looking to legislators as the saviors, think again. Their motto is: “never cut when you can tax.” They have trotted out for another run that old “raise taxes on the wealthy” horse. It is no longer called a “millionaires tax” ‘cause Bernie Madoff and the Wall Street gang took care of that problem. Also back in legislator’s sights: business. Might as well raise the taxes on the ones that haven’t high-tailed it out or just closed.

Part of the problem is actually trying to figure out how big the budget hole really is. Trying to accurately fix the number is like trying to nail Jello to a wall. The latest round suggests we’re short around a billion this year and slightly under $3 billion next year.

And since the Capitol is flush with ideas for balancing the budget I thought I would pass along some of mine:

1. Raise the income tax by 1 percent for those making over $250,000 a year. I don’t know if there is anyone left in Connecticut making that much, but if they are they should pay more. Don’t whine. They’re better off than most.

2. Levy a ten-cent sales tax on every bottle of water sold. Ten years ago who would have thought anyone would actually “buy” water? Much of it comes from the equivalent of a local faucet. If you are willing to spend $1.25 or more for water then the state should be able to get a dime off of you. Look how much we tax cigarettes and booze.

3. How about a 10 percent “fast food tax?” Maybe if some of this fat and corn syrup-laden “food” cost something more than a $1 a dose, people might actually go home and eat something the origins of which they can identify. Go read the nutritional breakdown of just about anything served at a fast food restaurant and then tell me it is actually good for you. No wonder so many people can’t see their toes.

4. And not to leave out legislators, we should institute a two-hour hearing rule. Anyone who appears in front of a panel gets five minutes to speak and five minutes to answer questions. No immediate financial savings, but with legislators not sitting on their posteriors for hours on end trying not to nap in public, they might actually be able to get something done. Hell, it is worth a try.

5. A one-year moratorium on new studies. We spend millions on studies to have them gather dust because the original purpose of the study either was just silly or was to cover someone’s posterior. Classic example: the transportation strategy board just spent millions to determine that tolls might bring in money to the state but might be hard to implement. Ya think?

You might think some of my ideas are pretty dumb. But I am a Mensa candidate in comparison to whoever whispered into the governor’s ear that it is a good idea to cut spending for prescription drug and dental programs for the poor or sell booze 24 hours a day.

What we need in Hartford is less brinkmanship and pandering and more statesmanship and thoughtfulness. I’m not holding out much hope. Everywhere you turn there is a lobbyist with an interest begging you to gore everyone else’s ox but his.

Maybe the public needs to hire lobbyists. Oh that’s right, we did. I think we call ‘em legislators.