nothin Forgiveness, Not Judgment | New Haven Independent

Forgiveness, Not Judgment

Crystal Emery.

Often times I start and end my days by reciting the Lord’s Prayer,

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into ignorance…”

EEERRRK……I just ran off the road. It is at this point of the prayer where I sometimes get off track. As a person seeking faith it is easy for us to ask God to forgive us of our trespasses”, but how forgiving are we of others? I consider myself a rather forgiving person; I hold no grudges against my trespassers. I meditate daily to consciously connect to God’s Spirit and goodness. I established a non-profit called, URU, The Right to Be, which means you are who you are, and you have the right to be exactly who you are. I think that judgement is a rather wasteful quality in anyone. We all have to walk our own paths, who am I to judge you for where you are on your journey?

Despite how conscious I try to be of all of my actions, I too fall victim to petty and judgmental behaviors. While inviting my friend, whom for the sake of confidentiality we will call Ms. B, to the release of my new book, we spoke of a negative experience that I had with a man we will call Mr. X. Instead of trying to demonstrate the forgiveness that I pray to God for, I begin dwelling on my distaste for Mr. X. I said to my friend, You know, I really do not like Mr. X; I feel that he is a terrible person.” I went on to say, He is a sexist, he is petty, and he has no love for women.” As I spout off, in ignorance, I realized that Mr. X had never done anything to me personally. My hostility stemmed from my observations of how he treated a group of female filmmakers, as well as how he interacted with his girlfriend. It was during this conversation (being aware of what I was saying) that I realized, all these years I had been pissed off over Mr. X’s behavior towards someone else.

I became painfully aware of my own hierocracy. I began this article by saying that I do not judge, going as far as asking the question, who am I to judge?” However, all of the words that I used to describe Mr. X were nothing short of judgmental. Do not get me wrong, he may epitomize all of the words I used (sexist, miserable, etc.), but is it my place to judge him for his shortcomings? For 20 years, I was unaware that I was carrying such negativity towards Mr. X, when in fact he did not care how I felt. I was grateful that my conversation with Ms. B brought me this clarity. I was then able to ask myself, who do this feelings help?” and how can I move forward if I feel this way?” The answers were, no one’ and you can’t’.

This conversation forced me to see how much energy I had wasted on a battle that was not my own. I thought back on how I ask God to forgive me, but I was unwilling to forgive someone who had not hurt me but others around me. I could not help but think about how many times each day we make judgmental statements, whether to ourselves or aloud. We have all been there. You know, That person is too fat. That person is stupid. That person is too arrogant. Can you believe what they are wearing?” The list is never ending. If we stop to count how many times we made a judgmental comment about ourselves or others we would be amazed.

So I ask you, my readers, where are you in your journey to forgiveness? Where are you in the realm of judgment? It is impossible to know what another has walked through to get to the moment in which you are meeting him or her. Even more so, no one knows what we have walked through. Nonetheless, think to yourself how much better our days will be if we could just offer a little humanity to one another? No one is perfect; we are human, we make mistakes. People do bad things to one another, but they also do good things to one another. Wouldn’t it be great if we could forgive every perceived injury? How much different would life be if we remembered the good times as vividly as we remembered the bad? Wouldn’t the world be a more peaceful place if we were not constantly judging others?

I know now that my conversation with Ms. B changed me. It made me even more conscious of my own thoughts. It forced me to see that as much as I thought I had grown or my soul had expanded, there are still aspects of my thoughts that need work. I cannot always see these places, but I desire enough clarity to help me reach each crevice of my mind. I do not know what is best for another person. I cannot judge your progress or which path you decide to take. What I do know is that if everyone was just a little more forgiving to ourselves and to those around us; if we judged just a little bit less, hate, fear and chaos would have less control over our existence.

Namaskar.

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