nothin Future Cops Told: “It’s OK To Cry” | New Haven Independent

Future Cops Told: It’s OK To Cry”

Nicolás Medina Mora Pérez Photo

Victoria Coward wore a shirt with her late son’s portrait.

When parents of murder victims visited New Haven’s police academy to speak to future officers, a secretary brought them two boxes of Kleenex.

I’ll need one too,” said a recruit. My brother was shot and killed.” 

The parents showed up Tuesday at the Sherman Parkway center, where 29 future New Haven police officers are undergoing training, to add a new element to the curriculum. Rather than offering tips on using Tasers or reading criminals their Miranda rights, these guest lecturers instructed the class on empathizing with people facing sudden crises. For example: how to tell a mother that her son has just been killed.

The parents belong to a support group for relatives of murder victims called Survivors of Homicide organized by the police department, and to an independent organization called Fathers Cry Too.” They came to the academy to transform cold numbers and statistics into names, faces, and stories.

These are the faces of our victims,” said Officer Jillian Knox, organizer of the support group, to the rows of shaved heads in gray uniforms. They are the community you are going to serve.”

Knox went on to explain that serving” sometimes means giving the worst possible news a parent can receive. 

You guys are the first impression,” she said. You are the first ones that will tell them their child is gone.”

She added that this session was different from other parts of their training.

It’s OK to cry,” she said.

The Phone Call

The format of the session was simple: Parents took turns to tell their stories, much as they do in the support groups.

Thomas Daniels, who lost his son Tank in 2009, was the first to speak to the recruits.

I got a phone call,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. They sent for me at 6:20 in the morning. I thought something had happened to my mother, I was just hoping she was OK. When I got to the police station, the woman asked me What’s your son’s name?’ I asked her why. She asked again. Then she said, Your son got killed last night.’”

Knox said she felt a special connection to Daniels.

When his son died, it was on my beat,” she said. I remember seeing him [the son] fight for his life.”

Knox noted that son’s murderer hasn’t been caught.

Imagine that,” she said. How do you walk through life knowing that your son’s killer is still out there?”

After Daniels came Linda Lawrence (pictured at left in the above photo), who lost both of her sons to murderers. She recalled the moment when she learned her first son had died.

You see the flashing lights,” she said, and then you hear a knock on the door. And then there was a police officer who told me, Ma’am, I’m sorry to say that your son was killed.’”

She told the story of the second death, which happened during an invasion to her home. She took several shots to the head from the gun of a man she considered a friend. Miraculously, she survived.

Her son was not so lucky.

I remember standing by the porch, holding on to it,” she said. Blood was coming out of me, everywhere. Then the cops came. They were scared to death from seeing me like that.”

The last one to speak was Lynda Faye Wilson (on the right in the above photo). Her granddaughter’s killer was recently sentenced to 11 years in prison. Her speech was short and to the point.

Do your job,” she said to the recruits in a stern voice. We expect you to do your job, but when you do, put yourself in the other person’s life. Just because you have a badge and a gun it doesn’t mean that you are better than them. New Haven is messed up because we’ve had, prior to you, some messed up cops. Let’s make sure that changes.”

The recruits listened in silence. Some wiped tears from the corner of their eyes.

The How-Tos

After the training session, parents were asked how the New Haven police can improve the way that they deal with victims. The answer was simple: With emotion.

They need to learn to deal with feelings,” said Tracey Fulton, another of the parents who spoke at the training session. When they get to the scene, they don’t understand what you are going through.”

They try to calm you down,” chipped in Victoria Coward (pictured at the top of the story). They even tell you they’re going to lock you up if you don’t calm down.”

The bottom line is: treat others as you want them to treat you,” said Daniels (pictured above, at left, with members of the support groups).

The parents were quick to add that they’ve also had good experiences with the NHPD.

Officer Knox said that she was satisfied with the results of the session.

Community policing begins right here,” she said with a smile.

Sign up for our morning newsletter

Don't want to miss a single Independent article? Sign up for our daily email newsletter! Click here for more info.


Post a Comment

Commenting has closed for this entry

Comments

Avatar for Renee Sheckfee

Avatar for Wine fest

Avatar for Renee Sheckfee

Avatar for Renee Sheckfee

Avatar for GeeLow

Avatar for Evelyn Tucker