New Haven Independent

posted by: robn on August 9, 2010  2:37pm

GO VOTE!

Here’s my endorsement of Roland Lemar. Vote for him because…

He helps little old ladies cross the street.
He can start a campfire by rubbing two sticks together.
He keeps the entire contents of MapQuest in his head.
He invented the western omlette.
He can write the whole Gettysburg address and a mirror copy with his opposite hand…simultaneously and with quill pens.
He taught Chuck Norris how to do karate and also suggested that he wear black.
He knows the secret formula for making Coca Cola.
He can eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one hour.
Just like Martin Luther King, he has a dream.
Both Christian Dior and Georgio Armani like his style.
The chickens he raises lay heart shaped eggs.
He can solve a Rubiks cube puzzle without moving the stickers.
His chocolate chip cookies are so tasty they made Betty Crocker burn her bra.
He can dig a tunnel faster than a steam shovel.
He taught Flava Flav how to rap.
He can’t join MENSA because they fear he’s too smart.
He once stopped a speeding locomotive with a lawn jart.
He can get red wine stains out of fine white fabrics.
The Library of Congress comes to him with questions.
He consistently makes half court shots.
When astronauts landed on the moon, he was there to greet them.
He is the complete opposite of doggie doo on a stick.
During a 3 hour boat tour gone awry, he used a coconut and some sea grass to invent the I-Phone and call for rescue.
He gave Einstein the idea for E=MC2 over cocktails.
When he sings, bluebirds land on his shoulder.
He didn’t invent the internet, but he did wire it for stereo.
He’s had a close encounter of the sixteenth kind.
Tina Turner wrote “Simply the Best” about him.
He can blow up a multitude of party balloons without losing his breath.
During the filming of “Rocky” he was the only guy who could run up the stairs faster than Sly Stallone and also balance a movie camera.
He can make minute rice in 35 seconds.
He once bungee jumped off of Mount Everest using only his shoe laces and a pack of Bubblicious.
He can play the tuba and the piano simultaneously.
He‘s broken two laws of thermodynamics and wishes to break the rest.
He once made a piñata the size of a whole candy factory.
He once wrestled a bear and an alligator at the same time; then after beating them, convinced them to be friends.
He can leap over the Empire State Building AND the Sears tower in one single bound.
If you have a boo-boo, he’ll have a band-aid.
He once beat hank Williams in a yodeling contest.
Murphy’s Law does not apply to him.
Although chemically improbable, he is actually sweeter than sugar.
He flew around the world, without a plane.
His DNA has an extra third helix…as a spare.
He once dug a hole to China, filled it in from the other side, and then swam home.

But he has not yet been a state representative.

posted by: abg on August 9, 2010  4:03pm

Hmmm… why have there been comparatively so few stories about the 94th? The disparity is pretty striking.  Is it just because Willy Greene (or Willie Greene, or whatever it is—how can you trust a candidate who flip-flops on his own name?) clearly isn’t running a competitive race?

posted by: Cedarhillresident on August 9, 2010  4:09pm

robn that is cute :)

But I want to see him start a campfire with 2 sticks!

posted by: streever on August 9, 2010  4:56pm

Robn can we vote you in for any office? Perhaps number one merry wordster of New Haven?

I can’t wait to vote for Mr. Lemar tomorrow. A great candidate with the experience and the dedication to our neighborhood—exactly what we need right now.

posted by: Bill Saunders on August 9, 2010  5:54pm

ROBN,

You made me laugh out loud
(lol, I guess they call it)

One question:
While Murphy’s Law may not apply, How ‘bout the Peter Principle?

posted by: roomforaview on August 9, 2010  9:37pm

You gotta Vote Lamont. He’s the only one who will fix the totally broken property tax system. New Haven, especially, is unsustainable as long as it has to depend exclusively on the property tax. Lamont is somewhat like Weicker in that only he is beholden to no one, independent enough and idealistic enough to do what is right. He will fix the property tax disaster.
Malloy’s temperament and ties won’t get us there. Without property tax reform, New Haven is toast. Lamont will get it done, the way Weicker’s income tax restructuring saved the state in 1990.

posted by: robn on August 10, 2010  11:31am

Honestly though, both Roland and Deb are compassionate and dedicated people, but Deb doesn’t have any experience. As much as we’d like to think that lawmaking should match our needs and be simple…lawmaking isn’t simple. I’d prefer someone who’s at least held an aldermanic postion before running.