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For parents and kids, school preparations are underway for the opening of Branford’s public schools on Monday. New backpacks, sneakers, and notebooks are on the list. All are material items.
But what about the emotional preparation you will need if your kid gets bullied?
The Eagle has recently published two exclusive articles here and here about a serious bullying case at Walsh Intermediate School, a case that, while traumatic for the family, didn’t even find its way onto the school’s official bullying log. And the transfer student who led the bullying attacks against a Jewish student is returning to Walsh this year.
Parents may be the last to be informed that their child is being bullied, often because kids themselves are reluctant to report it. A voluminous report titled, Indicators of School Crime and Safety: 2012 breaks down incidents of bullying, crime, behaviors, and remedial plans.
Catherine Stone
Clinical Director Catherine Stone (pictured), LCSW, of the Branford Counseling Center, discussed some behavioral changes for parents to look for. In an interview, she said parents should watch for a change to a negative outlook, if their child is suddenly more withdrawn or doesn’t want to go to school when there was previously no problem. Deliberately missing the bus is another sign, she said, since there is less supervision there and on playgrounds.
Stone said a lot also happens on social media where schools have little or no control. “That’s where parents need to step in,” she said.
She said schools need to have discussions about what bullying means and how to deal with it starting at the elementary school level. She added that bullying most often occurs in middle school, coinciding with the onset of puberty.
She said schools need to do a better job, and clearer, more pro-active rules are called for. Education is needed at the elementary level about what bullying means and how to deal with it.
“It’s hard to figure out who’s most vulnerable,” Stone said, adding that any differences stand out, such as someone who is shy or has physical differences or any kind of a disability, including mental illness.
“Schools are more focusing on inclusion. It’s not as bad as it used to be,” she said. However, she added that defining bullying versus teasing can be tricky since it involves power differentiation.
“Parents need to create a dialogue… what [bullying] looks like,” Stone said, “And check in with their kids. Let them talk and create an open space for them to talk.”
Doing this early on in the term is important, she noted.
Additional Signs
According to Indicators of School Crime and Safety, parents should also watch for the following:
• Unexplainable injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
• Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. (Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.)
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide
The report was cited on the stopbullying.gov website, which also offers tips on talking to kids, responses to bullying, risk factors, and considerations for children with special needs.
On the flip side, it also includes a list of signs that a child may be bullying others, which include:
• Getting into physical or verbal fights
• Having friends who bully others
• Becoming increasingly aggressive
• Getting sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
• Having unexplained extra money or new belongings
• Blaming others for their problems
• Not accepting responsibility for their actions
• Becoming competitive and worrying about their reputation or popularity
Kids are reluctant to report that they are being bullied for many reasons. The “Indicators of School Crime and Safety” reports that an adult was notified in just 40 percent of bullying incidents. Among the reasons:
• Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.
• Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
• Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
• Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
• Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.
The Branford school district has a strict definition of bullying on its website, listed within its district policies. The policy is based on the standards set by the Connecticut Association of Boards of Education (CABE).
On its website (5131.911), bullying is defined as “any overt acts by a student or group of students directed against another student with the intent to ridicule, humiliate, harass or intimidate the other student while on school grounds, or at a school-sponsored activity or on a school-sponsored activity school bus which acts are committed more than once against any student during the school year. Bullying outside of the school setting will be addressed if it has a negative impact on a student’s academic performance or safety in school.”
There are two forms on the district website to aid in reporting bullying: 5131.91 Form #1 – Report of Bullying Form/Investigation Summary and 5131.91 Form #2 – Report of Bullying/Consent to Release Student Information.
Form #1 allows for information to be reported by anonymously by a student, an administrator, a parent or guardian, or a student. Form #2 gives the school permission from a parent or guardian to disclose a student’s name as part of the investigation process.
Branford also has a Safe School Climate Plan, a 57-page document that includes policies for reporting and remediating bullying.
Finally, the long-term effects of bullying cannot be overlooked. Advocate Adrienne Serra of Connecticut Kids First became active because her son was bullied to the point of becoming suicidal. The organization is a resource for parents who believe the system has let them down and their kids are at risk. And just within the past few weeks, a 13-year-old Staten Island boy committed suicide after his pleas for help were ignored by his school.
In another case, a father has made it his mission in life to bring attention to the problem of bullying after his son committed suicide.
Across the nation, a number of bullying lawsuits have been brought against schools; the major accusation is that school officials did nothing in the face of repeated bullying attacks against a student. In Connecticut, school districts have immunity from bullying lawsuits in state court unless the parents can show that the student “is a member of an identified class of persons subject to immediate harm.” Here are some of the top ten bullying settlements and verdicts in the nation as of last month.
Schools are eager to present their best foot forward and parents need to be aware of how the system works and the resources available if they suspect their child is in danger.
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