David Ottenstein Photo
Following are excerpts of a eulogy for Elayne Rosell Dimenstein, delivered Monday morning at Shure Funeral Home on George Street by Rabbi Jon-Jay Tilsen of Westville’s Congregation Beth El-Keser Israel (BEKI). Dimenstein, a “natural” teacher and stalwart lay leader of BEKI as well as a “Far Out” entrepreneur on the side, died in her sleep Saturday
Elayne grew up on the loving home of her parents Milton & Sophie Rosell, along with her dear siblings, Richard, Alan, and Phyllis, may they live and be well, and Carol of blessed memory. She treasured her childhood memories of her siblings, and enjoyed a rewarding life-long relationship with them and their spouses, Rachel, Judy, and James, and their children. Whether it was the holidays or family events, she felt great love for her siblings, and felt honored that she was able to donate a kidney to her sister Carol, that at a time when the procedure was new and even riskier than it is today. These feelings and relationships have been central to her identity.
While most of knew Elayne as a teacher, she had many years ago started a business manufacturing pocket books with her sister Phyllis, and she developed an enterprise called “Far-Out Explorations,” conducting tours of art museums and galleries.
Elayne was a natural teacher. For some time, she taught in a gifted program in Newtown. Later, to reduce travel, she worked in Bridgeport, and for awhile worked with some of the most challenging classes. Whatever subject she didn’t know, she taught herself. She’d go to the library, pick out a few books and become well-versed in her subject, whether for home or school, whether it was about raising dogs or tracking tornadoes and hurricanes.
Elayne was curious and eager to learn; she was able to accept people as they are without judgment; she was enthusiastic about what she taught. These are among the qualities that made her a great and natural teacher. She could talk with people of all ages, befriend them and relate to them, seemingly without effort. She did not allow herself to get dragged down by bureaucracy, politics or negativity. She would let go of bad feelings, do what is needed and support her students unconditionally. Her love, her integrity, and her generosity of spirit were among the qualities that made her a great teacher and a great friend. She was an inspiration to her grandson Adam’s career path in teaching.
Elayne was proud to support her union, and served as a union representative, another way that her Jewish values infused her civil career, inasmuch as the rights of workers to organize is a long-established principle in Jewish law and society, and is indeed a sacred principle.
Elayne was beautiful, sweet, generous, artistic yet well-organized, active and giving. She believed she lived an interesting life, she appreciated the blessings that she enjoyed, and she always kept things positive. Sometimes she’d say, “Let it go” or “It wasn’t meant to be” and move on, to free herself to discover greater and better things. She always saw the cup as “half-full.” She was a loyal daughter and always wanted to share her love and care with her family and community.
She was a great fundraiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation – raising tens of thousands of dollars – with Amy and Mort and friends. She was able to muster her own skills and was not afraid to ask for donations – to give local businesses and friends the opportunity to perform the mitzva of tzedaqa, to support worthy causes.
Besides life-long friends and friends from the beach club and the beach and from Hadassah, Elayne enjoyed a large set of devoted and loving friends at our Congregation Beth El-Keser Israel, “BEKI,” in New Haven. It is in that context that I had the great joy of knowing Elayne and Mort and their family, most particularly in these past eleven years.
Elayne has been an extraordinary leader and volunteer in our community. She has co-chaired and hosted several major events, such as auctions and testimonial dinners; she has hosted benefit dinners in her home; she has served as a darshanit, teaching the Congregation on a Shabbat morning which is still recalled as a moving presentation; she helped with the Special Needs seders presented by Sisterhood; she participated in Talmud study classes with Mort; she helped with children’s programs; and most recently she served as a Qiddush Committee Team Leader. These are all among the many expressions of the value she placed on her Jewish heritage and her way of relating to the world.
But it was in her capacity as an officer of the Congregation, and in her regular Shabbat morning participation, that I most got to know Elayne, whether it was those after-service conversations or the nitty-gritty of the work of the Executive Board, often at her home with ample refreshments and a story about each piece of artwork on the first floor. I loved Elayne for her emotional maturity, her positive perspective on every situation, her ability to seek solutions to problems and move forward, and her willingness to give tremendously of her time and energy to build our community and help others in need. When she sat on the bima next to me on Rosh HaShana during the Torah service, I felt that it was good for my public image, and I felt safe.
She treated every person with great respect and love, and made her friends and casual acquaintances feel important and validated. She was offered an aliya to the Torah very frequently not in recognition of her contribution which was great but because the young people who usually distribute the honors in our congregation simply loved her.
Friends at BEKI commented,
“She greeted everyone with sever panim yafot – with a cheerful countenance.” “She was always friendly, saying hello and asking about our children.” “Elayne was an extraordinary woman, full of life and joy.” “Elayne loved her art-filled home, was a wonderful cook and hostess, and we always loved begin there and spending time with her. She was a strong and courageous woman, with a contagious joie de vivre.” “She was a wonderful friend.” “A classy woman.” “I always loved Elayne’s spirit and positivity. She was such a great role model.”
One member of Elayne’s qiddush team – a group that meets monthly to prepare a public Shabbat luncheon for the congregation and its guests – one team member said, “She was my team leader. I would follow her into the kitchen, anywhere.” “We will try to carry on her great works and spirit.”
Elayne was not merely proud of her Jewish identity, not simply observant and thoughtful; she was enthusiastically Jewish in her values and lifestyle.
These were among the words of love and admiration expressed about Elayne, along with many words of sadness and grief, which may at this moment need no further expression.
Now she leaves a community with broken hearts.
Forty years ago, Elayne met Mort Dimenstein, a loving companion with whom she shared so much, a good man with a loving heart and good values, a man with whom things felt right. Together with their children they created a wonderful new home and new life for themselves. Michelle and Amy grew up enveloped in this loving and vital home, and Marcie and Beth enjoyed a supporting sanctuary, a place to be themselves and be safe and loved. Mort saw Elayne as a Balabusta Extraordinaire, managing so many aspects of their family, home and life together, in a most elegant and pleasant way, the strength of her personality facing all of life’s challenges with grace. Elayne loved her girls beyond measure, and was delighted to welcome their spouses into her family, and so utterly delighted with the most recent development of Amy & Fred’s engagement. Jon and Fred and Jerry were so important to her. Elayne wanted so much to give her children a good life and to support their spirits into adulthood, and indeed she enjoyed intimate and positive relationships that were a very great source of joy to her, at least based on what she expressed to us.
Elayne was delighted to be a grandmother for Adam, Shira, Jenna, Arielle, Leora and Ilana, so proud of their accomplishments, concerned about their challenges, and so happy to be with them, whether on a family trip to Rhode Island, a cruise, a trip with just one of them to some special place, or at home for a holiday.
Elayne always tried to take the “high road,” and never spoke ill of others. Perhaps her approach to cooking is a metaphor for how she lived her life: Instead of consulting a cook-book and recipe, she looked to see what ingredients were at hand, and then used everything to make the tastiest dish possible.
