nothin Firefighter Funeral: “It’s OK Not To Be OK” | New Haven Independent

Firefighter Funeral: It’s OK Not To Be OK

Thomas Breen photos

Scenes from McMillian’s funeral service at Bethel AME Church.

A traumatic week for the New Haven Fire Department ended with a funeral capped by a Dixwell pastor’s message: It’s OK not to be OK.”

That memorial service took place Friday midday at Bethel AME Church on Goffe Street.

Hundreds of New Haveners, many in uniform, packed the pews and stood on the sidewalk outside of the church to honor the life of William McMillian, a 27-year-old New Haven native, Hamden resident, and city firefighter who died on May 6.

McMillian in a slideshow shown during the funeral service.

Friday’s service focused primarily on celebrating McMillian’s life and mourning his off-duty death. On his unflagging love for his daughter and his mother and a large extended family. On his interest in fitness and dedication to his job.

Many of those present — including Bethel Rev. and Board of Fire Commissioners Chair Steven Cousin, Fire Chief John Alston, Mayor Justin Elicker, and dozens of rank and file city firefighters — invoked a second tragedy this week to describe just how much emotional weight the fire department is holding right now: The overnight fire early Wednesday morning on Valley Street that killed one firefighter, Ricardo Torres Jr., sent another, Lt. Samod Rankins, to the hospital with serious injuries, and injured two other responding firefighters as they all worked to rescue two occupants trapped inside the residential building.


Greetings on behalf of the 315 members of the New Haven Fire Department. And my condolences,” Chief Alston (pictured) said through tears to McMillian’s family.

It’s been a very tough week.”

Mayor Elicker said the same: This has been a devastating week for the fire department and for the City of New Haven.”

Perhaps no one captured the complex, collective heartbreak of the moment better than Rev. Cousin (pictured).

He read five verses from the Book of Exodus, Chapter 18, that told the story of Moses’s father-in-law Jethro admonishing the prophet for trying to take on too many burdens at once: Trying to lead an enslaved people through the desert to freedom, trying to serve as a judge and interpreter between God’s will and his people’s needs, all by himself.

This work is too heavy for you,” Cousin quoted Moses’s father in law as saying. You cannot hold it alone.”

It was hard advice. Moses took it. He reached out for help. He brought others around him to share the burden.

Thus the focus of Cousin’s memorial service sermon. It’s OK not to be OK.”

Firebirds at Friday’s service.

Firefighters Joe Gambrell and Darnell Tucker: McMillian was “a great friend. A great father. A great fireman. RIP.”

Looking out at the mourners, all in face masks, many in uniforms and the red berets of the Firebirds society, many more stifling back tears, Cousin referred back to a phrase Alston had said during his time at the mic.

As they are fighting fires on the outside, there’s a fire that they’re fighting on the inside that no one else can see.”

This department has been through hell and back,” Cousin said. And yet, when he asks firefighters how they’re doing, many still say, I’m fine.”

Firebirds President Lt. Ernest Jones: “Will was the right fit for the job, and he did the job very well. Very well.”


I come here today to say it’s OK not to be OK. It’s OK to tell people how you’re really feeling. It’s OK to tell people, I’m mad. I’m frustrated. I’m angry.’

It’s OK to share your feelings. It’s OK not to be OK, because we’re only human.”

Cousins, Tonia Beamon and Monica Holloway: “They do it every day with such grace and such strength.”

Many times, he said, people in positions of leadership want to act like they can put the weight of the whole world on their backs and show that they can take it. And they’re afraid that, if they speak up about their hurting, then others will view them as weak.

Sometimes we feel that we are the only ones who are suffering and that no one else can understand what you’re going through,” he said to both tears and applause. When you isolate yourself, that’s when the dangers occur.”

And, Cousin said, for everyone supporting someone who is grieving, the most important thing to do is show up. Don’t worry about having the perfect words. Just be present.

It’s OK not to be OK because we’re only human,” he repeated. It’s OK not to be OK because you’re not alone. It’s OK not to be OK because God will always provide. God bless you.”

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