Razine Burton finds it inconceivable that some young people don’t give up their seat on the bus to an elderly person.
“I think of my grandmother” when facing a decision like that, she said.
Burton (at left in photo), a student at New Haven’s High School in the Community, joined high-schoolers form throughout the region this week for a televised discussion on manners and civility.
Why, they wondered, are some people so rude? And what can be done about it?
They participated in a taping of N’Zinga Shani’s cable public access program 21st Century Conversations produced by OneWorld Progressive Institute
Grandparents and parents who set real boundaries and values at home came out winners in the wide-ranging discussion.
“Too many parents are trying to be friends [with their kids],” said Williams.
The result is that the kids come to school thinking they can do whatever they want, she added. Both Williams and Simms Sonet, a junior at West Haven High, described instances where kids gave serious lip to their teachers, or even stormed out of class with relative impunity.
These kids were calling for more serious discipline, at school and beyond. “Without punishment, it sends bad messages to teacher and student,” said Bruton.
Like most of the kids on the program, West Haven’s Caitlin Morrissey (right) and Lorhely Velez said “the home is where it [politeness, kindness, etc] begins.”
“I’m not going to forget my manners because it’s second nature to me,” said Morrissey, a junior.
The student moderator and convener, Julie Buonasora, a senior at North Haven High, wanted to know if media loudmouths and Jerry Springer-ish reality shows contribute to the problem.
“You don’t get your ethics from TV,” said Morrissey.
Chante Lewis and Marcus Harrison, the panel’s representatives from Hamden High, don’t, although Lewis admitted candidly (of course) that she occasionally watches Maury Povich’s shows.
Both Hamden High students cited not only strong parents and grandparents but growing up with a Christian tradition that had bearing particularly on how they treat older people.
“You have to give everyone a chance,” even strangers,” Lewis said. The word she used to describe her attitude to people, learned at home and in church, was “generous.”
“Teens are rude to their elders,” Harris said. He had a turn-the-other-cheek suggestion: “If a grown up is rude to a teen, they’re still older than you, you should treat them with a higher standard [of respect].”
Not all grown-ups came out with such high marks. North Haven High’s Kaitlin Fung (right in photo) said she has had at least two encounters recently where the lack of respect was from an adult toward a kid.
“At a senior class school event, I opened the door for a town official. He didn’t say thank you or acknowledge me in any way,” she said.
Fung wondered aloud if the official had a sense of entitlement.
She said the pervasive lack of manners, across generations, might also be affected by the new technology and by being able to post nasty remarks anonymously, and with impunity on Facebook and other social media.
“Technology makes people more disassociated,” she said. Meaning, moderator Shani offered, that “being anonymous, people can disassociate bad behavior from your persona.”
By evening’s end, the discussion returned to grandmas.
“If I won’t do it in front of my grandma, “I won’t do it,” said Nubia Williams, a junior at New Haven’s Co-op High who hopes to graduate and go into the fashion business.
The final word was from the student convener Buonasora from North Haven High. “Our principal suggested [something]to us, as we plan our prom: “Dance like your grandmother is watching.”
great show.kudos to kids being leaders for others.