Rabbi Jon-Jay Tilsen of Congregation Beth El Keser Israel wrote the following eulogy for Elsie Press Hodes:
Elsie Press Hodes grew up along with her brother Joseph in the loving home of Isaac & Katie Press. Elsie and Joseph recalled getting up early – very early – on cold winter mornings to help their father, a bakery salesman, make deliveries. In that home, she learned the values of hard work, persistence, and family. She also learned the values of her people and of her parents, who were Yiddish-speaking Jewish immigrants from Russia, like many of the others who lived near them on Mill Street, County Street, Winthrop Avenue and at other residences in New Haven. She was very close in age to Joseph, and they were close in many important ways throughout their entire lives. They were fortunate that their spouses, Lou and
Lucia, and the children, were close and shared these important family bonds. Elsie and her household made many car trips to visit Joseph & Lucia over the years and they spoke often on the phone, sharing so many of the joys and sorrows of life.
Elise had the good fortunate to meet and marry Lou Hodes (of blessed memory). Their wedding at the Foote Street shul with Rabbi Leon Spitz was part of her lifelong association with what is today Beth El-Keser Israel. Her father Isaac had been a synagogue officer. Their dues at the time of her wedding were $25 a year, and Isadore Miller was president. Just a year or two after their wedding, Keser Israel moved to Chapel & Sherman. And there was a time, in my memory, when Elsie and Lou’s family took up more than half a row in our present sanctuary on the High Holy Days.
Elsie & Lou were a great couple. As Elsie put it, “He gave me my happiness.” Lou found in Elsie and her relatives a loving, strong and supportive family, something he so much wanted, and one in which he could feel and express his pride in his Jewish heritage. Thanks to Elsie, Lou and the household were able to celebrate the holidays, light Shabbat candles every week, participate in synagogue daily and Shabbat services as well as the Sisterhood and other social and community service functions.
Together Elsie and Lou created a loving home on Goffe Terrace for their children Joyce, Alan and Lynne. Elsie always was happy to be part of her children’s lives, interacting with their friends, and always trying to be supportive, welcoming and nurturing, and not controlling or judgmental. She had her own way of being accepting, affirming, forgiving (if not forgetting) and graceful.
There home was open to anyone. Elsie was happy to have her children’s friends, as well as any relatives, and other friends and neighbors, for a holiday meal or social gathering. She made of point of including friends who were single, widowed, or who did not have local Jewish family on the holidays. In her home, no one was a stranger. And that of course also applied to Lou’s extended family, just as it applied to so many in our BEKI community.
Elsie had her share of hardship and sadness in her life. Certainly the loss of her dear son Alan, and then of Lou, were particularly difficult; it is not clear how much she realized that her dear brother Joseph had departed this world, but then again just as they entered this world just a few months apart, so they left it just a few months apart; and we may take comfort in the thought that they are all united in God’s eternal care. Even in the face of these sad but natural events, Elsie maintained her positive outlook on life. She did not complain, she did not need things for herself, but rather took pleasure in giving and doing for others.
I had the great pleasure of knowing Elsie, as well as Alan and Lou and the family, for the past 19 years, and I especially appreciated Elsie’s openheartedness, her direct and unassuming way, and her adherence to clear values. She was a very strong woman – she gave up smoking 15 years ago – and she was a nurturing and strong model for others in our community. In addition to opening her home, she served as President of the Women’s Auxiliary of the Jewish War Veterans, and she came sometimes with Lou and Alan to daily services, and she always marked the yahrzeits of her loved ones.
Elsie welcomed her children’s spouses into the family, as well as their extended families. Jeff and David were like sons. She was delighted to be a grandmother, and had very special relationship with Melissa & Tim, and David, as well as Gena & Steve; she was delighted to see the great-grandchildren, and to watch them play. Seeing or hearing of the activities of Rory and Ally, as well as Deborah and Anna, gave her a lot of pleasure.
Although the past few years have been difficult, much of the essence of Elsie’s personality has persisted – her calm and friendly manner, as well as her strong body. Just as she dedicated her life to care for her family and community, so she was able to receive the extraordinary care of her family in return, particularly in the past few months and years. With their support she was able to live with as much independence and dignity as circumstances permitted. So too we should note the respectful and loving care she received from the staff of the Jewish Home for the Elderly in Fairfield, including the kind support and dedicated attention of Rabbi Stephen Shulman. The staff will always remember her calling them “darling.” This setting helped Elsie’s family know that they were doing the best they could for her. She would never really have asked for any help but she needed it and she deserved it.
This week, in synagogues around the world, we read the closing chapters of the book of Genesis, which refer to the passing of our ancestors Jacob and Rachel, as well as Joseph and his generation. And so it is that Elsie’s passing marks the end of the generation of the Press family and the Hodes family. But those chapters which account the deaths of these ancestors begins with the word “VaYehi” – “And he lived,” because even in the telling of the death, the truly important part is how a person lived. While this is a moment of grief that goes to our very core, we must keep in mind that Elsie had a long lifetime of love and kindness, of strength and courage, and that she brought goodness into the world. She loved her family and she in turn enjoyed the love, caring, honor and support from her family. Like in the Biblical passages, the telling of the death is but a chapter in a longer story, and so may it be for this family.