Officer David Hartman, the police department’s spokesman, has provided a survival guide for motorists braving the streets of New Haven Friday when Yalies move into their dorms with their often confused parents.
Yes, you can get from one place to another without descending into road rage, Hartman advises.
And fresh-baked muffins will help.
Hartman’s guide follows:
The Yale University resident halls open for freshmen at 9:00 AM on Friday, August 26th.
Consequently, New Haven streets open to confused freshmen parents at the same time.
For many of us, the end of summer means fewer beach visits, dinners moved indoors, petals falling from flowers and preparations beginning for the colder months ahead. These are unpleasant prospects for those of us who hang on to every warm day as if it’ll be the last – but not as unpleasant as the inevitable traffic tie-ups perpetrated by disoriented drivers who will stop mid-block, each and every block, to get their bearings.
We’re sure these traffic transgressions are unintentional but for many of these motorists, gone are the concepts of merging lanes and deliberate driving. Without getting into the differences of pigment versus light, green and red traffic signals become camouflaged against an ivy backdrop or vanish all together.
Normal travel is stymied by proud parents who travel down the road at the speed of a continental drift yet nose into parking spaces without signaling.
A person of good judgement is not always a driver of good judgement. A driver of good judgment is constantly sizing up the traffic situation and is not caught unaware. He or she uses their developed traffic imagination and insight. He or she makes decisions and reacts in a way that helps keep traffic patterns sane and safe. Such drivers will likely be hard to spot over the weekend.
We are asking residents to be welcoming and understanding. Smile at our visitors. Do what you can to get them pointed properly on the path their car should take.
If you’re a Jedi, use the force to convince them they are drivers of mature psychological make-up and masters of controlled attention.
Road-rage is bad. This’ll be a great week for yoga and deep breathing exercises. Heed the advice of an old Chinese proverb; “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow”.
The New Haven Police Department is suggesting everyone in town to bake some muffins on Thursday.
Then… on Friday, when you’re caught motionless and annoyed, you can forget your troubles as you scarf one down during your morning commute. Eyes on the road.
The New Haven and Yale University Police Departments will have police officers assigned to high traffic and unloading areas as is necessary. Further traffic notices including those of temporary lane and street closures will be issued later in the week.
We suggest people allow themselves extra time for Friday’s commute to and through downtown and heed the temporary No Parking signs around the Old Campus.
There's no getting around the awkwardness of separating a momma bear from her cubs so just keep your head down and if you're lucky enough to prepare muffins, consider adding some gangia to take the edge off.
(but seriously kids...just say no to drugs)