“Why Is Your Skin Black?”

Such a hard thing to experience! I applaud Ms. Davis for keeping her cool. I would have felt personally attacked. Besides being an angry young child who feels disdain for anything or anyone not exactly like himself, he may also suffer from developmental delays that his mother did not want to explain. It's too bad the mother didn't apologize at least a little, as she saw how insulted Ms. Davis felt.

That is appalling behavior on the part of the mother especially. Thank you for sharing this story to remind us that we still have a long way to go.

Accusing a five-year old of racism because he was freaked out by someone who happened to be black? How do you know he wasn't truly ignorant of why skin is different colors? Five year olds ask things like that all the time. "Why is the sky blue? Why are dogs bigger than cats? Why is that lady so fat?"

The racism here, if you ask me, is the young lady assuming that the child's attitude and question come from having already been taught to be racist, on the basis of HER assumptions based on HIS skin and hair color.

NHI, you're seriously posting this story? Do you really want to spend you whole day moderating the comments to this story?

When do I get my feature on the hard looks and physical intimidation that I get from people with black skin when I walk past the bus stops on the Green or Lower Chapel?

My notes:

Honestly, when I was five, I once I acted the same way the boy did. It happened in kindergarten during a game of ring around the rosy. I was surprised to see a person with different color skin and I was curious and asked her about it. The girl didn't seem put off, we were just being children. To think that a five year old is a bigot because he/she is curious is ludicrous.

@curious Small children do ask questions about why the sky is blue and why are dogs bigger than cats, but they rarely scream at strangers "Don't touch me!" This reaction does suggest that they child is scared of difference. Perhaps this is too much to expect, but it would have been great if the mom had asked the child some questions so both Ms Davis and the mom could have understood what the child was feeling. For example, "why are you scared of this lady? Have you ever seen anyone with dark skin? Do you know anyone with dark hair? Etc etc. From there, the mom has a great teaching moment about the sameness beneath differences. If every parent did this, maybe this child would not scream at Ms Davis and people would not stare at you on Lower Chapel. I think this is a great story to post.

My son is weeks away from 5, and luckily does not appear to "see" color. His pre-K class is a tapestry of ethnic and racial mixes and he's been exposed to the colorful world around us since he was only weeks old. As a parent, I would have wanted to know why my child was so consumed with fear at the thought of being touched by anyone in a casual way as they swept the floor. The question can be asked easily of a five year old, and the answer may have been enlightening to the mother who then could have responded appropriately to the angry outburst.

How in the heck does one make it to 5 without seeing someone of a different race. I mean most suburbs are pretty white, and many people there fear cities like the plague, but good god nowhere except maybe North Dakota is THAT white.

Although, the whole "Don't touch me!!" thing combined with the mother's nonchalant reaction is kind of telling. Most kids usually don't care at all about, well, anything adults make into issues, whether its race or sexuality or gender identity unless they're getting constant cues to be wary of something.

NHI, thank you for publishing this story on the fine line that people of color have to walk each day. I know as i white man i have never had a young black child direct those type of comments at me.
Curious, are you seriously asking NHI if THEY are serious posting a story that YOU actually comment on?? Seriously.....

The only thing appalling here is that this 'story' was published and the author is so seemingly ignorant them self. THIS I consider an issue, that there are people who in this country who essentially search for racism everywhere they go. It's this prevailing attitude that can hold back a community of people.

Rather than allow themselves to be accepted, they look for ways to exclude so a finger can be pointed, and attention drawn upon to them. It's a five year old... Let that sink in for a few minutes, you let a five year get you so angry you wrote an article about it.

OK - So, where is the story here? As bizarre and random the indecent is, the NHI decision to publish this is equally bizarre and random. This is not journalism, is there an Op-Ed section in the NHI where anyone can report some troubling incident they experienced? We don't even know if the kid said this exactly or what his tone 'suggested'. The mom could have tired, and wanted to get home, and really didn't care what little Jimmy said. Jimmy sounds like a little brat - but is that news?

I can remember many a day when my daughter said something that sounded appalling if you weren't privy to the background and context; their thoughts can be wierdly linear and we should not jump to judge. But these are opportunities for discussion/learning. We had a long talk one day about why grown-ups call people "black" and "white", when we are obviously (to the 3 year old) a range of pinks and browns. She rejected every one of my explanations. Prejudice is indeed a learned behavior.

Interesting mix of responses.

Read the story without some of the adjectives.

******
I was sweeping hair off of the floor the other day at Luvena Leslie Curly Hair Salon on Audubon Street, where I work as a hairstylist part-time. I swept closer to a chair where a small boy, around 5 years old sat. "Don't you touch me!" he shouted.

"I don't want to touch you. I'm sweeping the floor," I replied.

"Don't you touch me. Don't you dare touch me," he repeated angrily.
My supervisor told the boy he was being rude. His mother didn't say a word.

Moments later, when his mom was paying for her son's haircut, the boy asked me a question: "Why is your skin black?"
******

The author plainly states that she believes this was a racist statement, which was probably taught to this kid by his mom, because they are white.

I'm white, and I was raised in a VERY white town, and have some residual, knee-jerk prejudice in me that I have to remain aware of, and remember that it's not true. Do I catch myself avoiding eye-contact with some people, or crossing the street sometimes? Yes. Is it shameful? Yes. Do I have to stay mindful of it? Yes.

I would hope that the author reads this, and thinks about her own prejudices as well. Based on the shame she says she feels at being asked about her skin color, I would think that is also playing a part here.

If that kid had been Asian and asked "Why don't you have a better job?" would it be because he was Chinese and already thinking about which college to go to? Or if he was Latino and asked "Why do you bother doing that?" would it be because he was Mexican and too lazy to imagine having a job?

Assuming that someone is racist because they are white is every bit as offensive as assuming that someone is unemployed because they are black, or lazy because they are latino. It's a stereotype that you carry around with you and let affect how you see the world.

This is the year 2013. We have a whole history of struggle for liberty and equality for black people in this country of which this child and his mother are ignorant and insensitive.
This story makes me very sad and brings to mind a terrible personal experience.
It was 1962 in New Haven. I was eight. I walked from Scranton School to a white classmate's home. After entering the house, my host's little sister ran through the rooms yelling, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, Jimmy brought a nigger in the house!" It was embarrassing. It was humiliating.It was painful. There was no apology. No sympathy. No caring concern. No compassion. No stern reprimand from the mother. Nothing.
I left that house, never to return. I have never forgotten that incident that spring afternoon on Orchard Street in 1962. It is indelibly etched in my mind.
I would think that things would have changed by now.
I hope that boy will never have the opportunity to say to the President of the United States, "Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!"

The authors views may be valid if the child was an adult. Children lack reason, and often say silly, irrational things. The author says a lot about her level of tolerance. The child did not intend to be racist. He is curious or ignorant maybe.

B.S. He heard this it home.In fact in the south white young children would you use the n word .My sister sells real estate to diplomats in the United Nations.I was having lunch with her and some other diplomats of color at the U N lunch room when a diplomat from South Africa came in with her son,The son said mom look at the Kaffers.Like said this comes from the home.

P.S. Five year olds don't need an excuse to be an angry and irrational.

They're five years old.

Have you ever seen a give year old FLIP OUT in a store and throw a complete tantrum?

Would that mean that white people hate floors, because this white child was flailing and kicking and slapping it?

@TomPain:
This incident is not at all similar to the incident you described. The boy in this story is five years old, you were a bit older. Also, although the story seems to imply a correlation between the boy's demand of "don't touch me" and the subsequent question about the woman's skin colour, the correlation is not proved simply by reading the article. But, the boy could have a fear of strangers or maybe he has aspergers, or maybe he just doesn't like people touching him. His question about skin colour seems innocent. When I was five I was curious as to why some of my schoolmates' skin was a different colour than mine, or why some were really tall and others kind of short. The child in this story did not yell a racist epithet. He simply asked a question that I am sure a lot of five year olds ask. It seems that some people are a bit hypersensitive and need to step back and examine the context of the incident.

Is this really a news story that someone encountered a rude 5 year old? While I don't doubt that true racism exists in many places today, I think this is looking a little too hard for it.

posted by: Curious on May 31, 2013 2:24pm

Assuming that someone is racist because they are white is every bit as offensive as assuming that someone is unemployed because they are black, or lazy because they are latino. It's a stereotype that you carry around with you and let affect how you see the world.

You need to hear and read Tim Wise.It is call white privilege.

http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=137

http://www.timwise.org/tag/white-privilege/

Exactly 3/5,

"Sometimes, white privilege isn't about stuff. It's not always about better opportunities, or more money, or even greater access to those things than people of color. Sometimes, white privilege is as simple as knowing that, generally speaking, if you're white, you'll be perceived as competent and hard-working until proven otherwise, while people of color..." From Tim Wise

The word "racist", at times, makes white folks' hackles go up. That's unfortunate because it makes attempts to have conversations fruitless. "White privilege" can often be a more useful point for discussion.

Recently I submitted a post to the NHI and used the term "apartheid society." A subsequent post, by someone who is a regular and intelligent contributor, suggested my use of the word "apartheid" was inflammatory. If we Americans did not share a apartheid history, then this story would probably never have been deemed newsworthy.

Here we have a small child whose motives are being questioned to the point where it appears in the NHI. And no I am not trying to defend him, his mother, or the author of this article. Ah apartheid, the gift that keeps on giving.

As a light skinned, bi-racial man of African-American, Native American and European descent, I have received negativity from both whites and my fellow black Americans. In fact, some connected with our schools have made slanderous accusations about me being some sort of racist because those who saw me as offensive did not realize that I am the descendant of slaves and a picture of our family would show skin complexions ranging the spectrum. In other words, I was judged on my light skin complexion by those who feel slighted when they perceive the same. Ah apartheid, the gift that keeps on giving.

In fact, I actually asked one of my "tormentors" if he considered me to be black.

His answer was "No!"

So, what is my point?

I actually don't have a specific point, I am kind of just free associating here.

But the good news is that the chimera of the color line is slowly diminishing. This I hope for my children's sake and for the sake of all of our children.

Can I get a "Amen!" or at least a "Right On!"

Less Opinion pieces, more news.

I would hate to think that this piece finds it's way to the conspicuous redhead. Since you don't know where he was coming from, you don't know the effects a 'cloaked' public outing could have. Not good.

Brutus:
Right ON!!

Stacy, from the exchange written here it sounds to me that after the 5 year old complained to you about being touched, the kid himself then was seeking justification in his own mind as to why be responded that way. His next question, "why is your skin black?" even before his mother intervened, may have been his after thought, recognizing that his first reaction may have not been correct.

Seemingly, the simple response from you and the mother could well have been...pigmentation..with an explanation of how it differs from person to person..

I,m just saying..

Don't fret, you can touch me anytime...ouch...

I think you are reading too much into this. Kids are scared of things that are unfamiliar to them.

My 5 year old cousin asked me at a recent family gathering, in a very concerned voice, what was wrong with my hands. I was confused and asked him what he meant. He said "there's spots all over them".

I explained that those are freckles.

@three-fifths - He didn't call her a racist name. He just wanted to know why is her skin black. His fear of being touched may stem from some sort of developmental or sensory issue. If his mother was racist why would she bring him into the salon which specializes in curly hair?The salon's website clearly has a picture of Ms.Leslie herself who is obviously black.

On many Fridays, including today in front of Ex Bon Pain, i am asked by the Hasidic kids if I am Jewish. This is because of my curly long hair and beard. I always smile, and say "No, but I get asked that alot". Today I got asked twice by the same group.

I find it a little annoying, but I get called Jerry Garcia a lot more.

And Annette the flower lady has found a new spot in front of Yale Willoughbys. I bought a flower for a $1, and gave it to a pretty lady, just like she asked.

The kids is 5 years old. However, is it necessary to explain to a child about the troubles that blacks have gone through within history? He isn't used to it and calling a 5 year old a bigot and ignorant is less than mature. He does not know, its the parents job to show the world to their kids, no matter how long it takes for them to get acclimated to their environment. Give it a rest and tell the hairstylist to calm down, and what Curious said of course its only racist if it was a white child who asked it. If it was any other race, it wouldn't be considered a form of bigotry. Gotta love irony and contradictions.

My son, when he was about 9 or 10, was talking to me about a professional hockey player. Neither of us knew the name, but he described him as "the one with the curly hair." I still didn't know who he was talking about so I looked him up and he was African American, well, African Canadian, actually. I felt very proud thst my was so color blind that it didn't occur to him to distinguish the player by his skin color rather than by hair.

In a sense, this reminded me of the mother saying skin color was like hair color. Perhaps the styling shop encounter may cause the mother to reevaluate some of her own attitudes.

People can change, and familiarity--despite the proverb--can breed tolerance and acceptance.

I could take the credit here, but more of it probably had to do with him being in very diverse educational institutions from the age of two, including a public education in New Haven. I could take credit for that. I don't think the price of a private school education or living in the suburbs buys those experiences. My children are much more comfortable than I am in many of these situations. There was one non-white person in my elementary school.

There is generational change. Back in the 1930s, my mother was at an integrated dance. I'll give her credit for even being there, but when an African American asked her to dance she told me she instinctively said no, saying "I'm not dancing." However, she felt bad enough about it that she held to her word and didn't dance with anyone else either--white or black.

Hearing about her disquiet no doubt influenced my own thinking about these things, and the attitude of her grandson probably reflects thst too.

Real story or not (I think it is, but I do not know that it is), the comment thread is very well thought out.

One cautionary note on White Privilege: the availability of our food as a given. Let us think about what it takes to make a WASP meal; a chunk of meat, some root vegetables, peas or corn maybe, wheat is helpful, but not necessary, and of course we do like our dairy, cheese or milk. The dairy aside, as long as one is somewhat flexible about the veg, our food stuffs are available in just about any food market in the world.

Now, if one considers the real goal of The British Empire was to get a decent meal, then whatever your ethnicity, chances are we tried to knock you on the head, and grab what ever you were eating. So your ethnic food is our take out.

Story=bad parenting

Of course if one believes the 5 year old is racist, maybe he'll grow up and form an all white political party and then, according to 3/5, he won't be racist anymore.

@Atwater
I stated that this story reminded me of a past personal racial incident. I did not say it was the same as my own.
Atwater seems to want to find all kinds of excuses for this child's rude and obstinate behavior and refuses to acknowledge any racial animosity.
It appears that this boy was loud, rude, disrespectful and agitated by and toward the black woman in the room ONLY, no one else. This fact speaks for itself and it speaks volumes.
I would like to share this old poem and admonish white parents what they teach and say around their children about race effects racial attitudes for the next generation.

Incident
By Countee Cullen

Once riding in old Baltimore,
Heart-filled, head-filled with glee,
I saw a Baltimorean
Keep looking straight at me.

Now I was eight and very small,
And he was no whit bigger,
And so I smiled, but he poked out
His tongue, and called me, "Nigger."

I saw the whole of Baltimore
From May until December;
Of all the things that happened there
That's all that I remember.

posted by: robn on June 1, 2013 9:07am
Story=bad parenting

Of course if one believes the 5 year old is racist, maybe he'll grow up and form an all white political party and then, according to 3/5, he won't be racist anymore


8 Things White Parents Should Teach About Black People


http://politic365.com/2012/04/11/8-things-white-parents-should-teach-about-black-people/

Ok, I'm going to get flack for this but, here I go. Why or how is this racist? I think this child obviously needs to be told there are people on this earth that are different via their skin color, hair color, etc etc etc. it could be that this child is different himself, maybe he is mentally challenged or maybe he has other disabilities? Maybe he can't comprehend such a broad topic as race while getting his own hair cut.

My bottom line..please do not jump to conclusions. Maybe we should send the kid down to the White House for house cream to eat with Mr. Obama and Ms. Davis to straighten things out???

I have to agree with #@curious. When my oldest son was five, we were in a store and he yelled "Mommy! That lady has brown skin! Why does she have brown skin?" I replied "God made people with white skin, and God made people with brown skin, and he loves us all the same." The woman looked at me and said "Thank you. That was beautiful." As for the "Don't touch me" comment, that could have come from anything, and it is wrong to assume that it came from being a bigot. Anything is possible with kids that age. My youngest son was afraid of the bathroom ceiling when he was four years old. No matter where we went, he voiced his disgust for bathroom ceilings. Odd, but little ones are odd. There could have been any number of reasons why this child said that to you. 1) He saw something on the news about someone who was black and he got scared 2) He said that to you the same way some kids yell "Don't look at me" to strangers. I've had that happen 3) One of his loved ones was a victim of a crime and the criminal was black, so now he's afraid of black people 4) Something happened in school which left him afraid 5) Bipolar, aspergers- pick a condition, there are enough to choose from 6) He was simply scared because there are no black people where he lives and hadn't the slightest idea what would happen being so close to one....
He's a little boy. Anyone who has a kid knows that children that age are strange. They have all sorts of fears, and their thinking is not that of a rational adult. That's why they are children. I was in Buffalo Wild Wings once picking up a my daughter when she worked there, and a little black girl said "I don't like you. You're white." I just smiled and said "I think you're a beautiful princess. Why, you're even prettier than the Disney princesses!" That kid warmed right up to me. But I love kids and have a way with them. Sounds like the writer of this article is one of those critical people who always assume the worst in children.

This child learned this behavior at HOME. It was perpetrated by his mother in her non response. And for Curious vs Threefifths remark you have SAME problem as this child and his mother. Racism will always thrive due to learned behavior at home directly or indirectly. Its one thing for children to raise questions re: differences but this brat was sooo adamant >>> "Don't you touch me. Don't you dare touch me," he repeated angrily shows he has seen and learned this in his home. And at this age he will never change, hence racism is not innate but generational. The comments also reflect the racial divide in this country.

There are people that think racism in New Haven, Connecticut, and the nation has gone away. It's true that we've made progress but very slowly. I, too, have experienced racism recently in this city--from an adult (versus a child). I applaud Ms. Davis for writing this piece and the NHI for posting it. I think the dialogue under the "Comments" is the best I've read to date.

However, I agree with some of the posters-- this is an opinion piece. Perhaps you should create opinion section on the NHI

Sorry for your pain. The mother's silence spoke volumes.

The author ascribed the child's behavior to the color of his skin. Isn't that the very definition of racism?

40 posts and counting on this story...

That "thud" you hear is the sound of white liberalism hitting it head while tripping over the issue of racism. The 3 typical responses (the 3 D's)are alive & well:
Deny it;
Deflect from it; and
Demean the dsicussion.

They are all there, just as they always are in these types of discussions. Funny how women get to define their oppression (sexism) as do Jews (anti-semitism) without nearly as much flak. But issues around race? But this hits too close to home, especially for white liberals.

I saw a little black girl try to throw a soda can in the garbage by the bus stops on Chapel on the Green the other night. She missed, and was going to leave it on the ground. I smiled and cheerfully said, "Oops, you missed!" She ran right over to her mother, and they both glared angrily at me.

At the time I thought she was just scared of a stranger, but according to many of the posters above, I guess that little girl and her mom were just being racist. Thanks for teaching me that.

posted by: Curious on June 3, 2013 9:29am
the time I thought she was just scared of a stranger, but according to many of the posters above, I guess that little girl and her mom were just being racist. Thanks for teaching me that.

Michael Eric Dyson Shares Why "Black People Can't Be Racist.

http://youtu.be/bZ0QfLkjujY

If you define racism as the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race," the answer is yes.And if you define racism as "prejudice and discrimination rooted in race-based loathing," then the answer is, again, yes. However, if you define racism as "a system of group privilege by those who have a disproportionate share of society's power, prestige, property, and privilege," then the answer is no.

Threefifths, so racism is only racism when you're being oppressed?

That's weak, and is a common excuse for why it's okay for black people to hate white people, but not okay for white people to hate black people.

Hatred is still hatred, regardless of your socioeconomic status.

Westville Man,

I would hardly characterize this story as 'oppression'. There are not enough facts. I would characterize this as an unfortunate situation that would have best been dealt with in private, as it happened.

Can we divide ourselves some more doggedly talking about racism, so we don't have to take about classicism?

But maybe we can't talk about classism, since I can't spell it right.

Like I said it comes from the home.

Heath Campbell (center), who named his first son "Adolf Hitler" and had all four of his children taken away from him by Garden State authorities, insists he is a good father — despite his reverence for the man behind the Holocaust.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dad-dons-nazi-garb-kid-custody-battle-court-article-1.1362348


posted by: Curious on June 3, 2013 12:43pm
Threefifths, so racism is only racism when you're being oppressed?

Are you saying Black people are still not being oppressed.Are you saying Black people are still not being affected by racism.

Redheads get picked on too.
Maybe that has something to do with it.....

The adult who can't get over the behaviour of a five-year old is the one with the problem.

And I have talked independently with some very morally minded people, and they all agree that this is an egregiously shameful article.

Thumbs up Paul!!!!! Keep Up the Race Baiting!!!!!

A final addendum:

One need look no further than the URL address for this article to see the evil spin -- "How 5-year olds become bigots"

I will say it again -- shameful.

Bill, I agree 100%. I'd love to see a counter article with the colors flipped, but I am sure that would just produce more of the "black people can't be racist because they're downtrodden" excuse.

Curious,

I think we should just go out and have a beer.