Dear fellow New Haven drivers,
Slow. Down.
Each afternoon, I walk from my house on Central Avenue, through Westville Village to pick up my kids at Friends Center, at the corner of Blake and Valley Streets. And each day, I see cars — sometimes two, three, four at time — fly through the red light onto Valley Street in front of children, parents, and Peter Blume’s plantar fasciitis patients waiting to cross.
They do this every day in plain view of a large bright “No Right on Red” sign.
I shouldn’t be surprised. I teach, I know the state of literacy in this country. But I am surprised at the regular, day-to-day selfishness that exists in our city’s drivers. Where the hell are you going? And why so fast? And when are they gonna make side-impact airbags for toddlers who don’t like to hold hands?
This week, New Haven rolled out its proposal for new 19 traffic cameras designed to catch speeders, red-light runners, and drivers like Ward 18 Alder Sal DeCola. These cameras will be scattered across the city and mostly placed at schools and busy intersections where children cross the street.
It’s worth pointing out that this is only a proposal. These cameras aren’t going to show up anytime soon. Any change like this needs to go through far more layers of municipal bureaucracy before a single one of these cameras gets turned on. Realistically, New Haveners can expect it to be on the next charter revision question, along with lifetime appointments for alders.
And New Haveners have predictably reacted. Turns out, New Haven Independent readers have more opinions about these cameras than they do about Charlie Rich’s marriage.
Some readers blamed Justin Elicker, because it’s easy to blame Justin Elicker for things. This man hasn’t smiled in a photograph since he had his first boba tea at Poke Oli.
Some readers accused these cameras as being racist. And sure, these cameras could be used to punish certain groups more harshly than others if there weren’t already rules in place about where these cameras can be installed. A camera is far less likely to be as racist than an actual New Haven cop. And we know how they drive.
The truth is: we need 19 more cameras than the ones New Haven plans to install. At every school, at every busy intersection where people cross the street. And the fines, currently at $50 for a first offense and then $75 for each subsequent one, need to be more severe. What about mandatory crossing guard duty? I think an hour of yelling at motorists to learn how to read would be a lesson learned.
Better yet, what if we made these drivers clean the Wilbur Cross bathrooms?
Anyway, I hope this does happen. And fast. Something needs to be done about driving in this town. People are getting hurt. And more will keep getting hurt with the way you all drive. I see it everyday. It’s maddening, and enough to make a father want to do some of his own traffic enforcement, if you know what I mean.
So please, New Haveners, drive like your children, foot patients, and cargo-bike riding politicians live here.
Because my kids don’t have side-impact airbags, Asshole.
Max Bakke lives in Westville and wears glasses when he drives.
...cue One City Dump, CityYankee2, TommyBrnfrd, THREEFIFTHS.