They Rose From Trauma To Help Others Heal

“Where do I start?” Yahkeem Howard said with a forced smile, when asked about his life story. Then he spoke about growing up in and out of an abusive foster care experience with no mother, brothers in jail, and no paternal presence in his life, then joining the streets.

Howard, who’s 27, was among dozens of people who shared personal stories at a PTSD Awareness Month discussion at City Hall about cultural trauma in the black community. The event, which drew around 60 people, was sponsored in part by CannaHealth and Minorities for Medical Marijuana.

Howard said that in foster care he was ​“beat” and ​“touched inappropriately” as he to navigate his way through a rocky adolescence. By middle school, Howard saw the streets as his best option. He said he joined the ​“bad guys so they [could] protect me.”

Howard joined gangs and adopted them as his second family. But growing up in New Haven, where in-gang violence was deadly, Howard was forced to be in a position where he was still losing loved ones. ​“I lost over 100 friends in New Haven” to gang violence, he said.“I’ve been surrounded by trauma my whole life.”

In 2010, Howard decided to join the military to learn ​“discipline.” But from there, the trauma got even worse.

In 2012, he was deployed to Afghanistan, where he was surrounded by ubiquitous violence and constant deaths. But all he could think about was his people back in New Haven.

“When someone dies in New Haven, we all feel it,” said Howard. When he arrived back in New Haven after he served in the army, Howard said, he learned the ​“power of positivity and life coaching.” From there, his entire life took a turn for the better.

He now proudly calls himself a ​“veteran mentor, youth mentor, everybody’s mentor.” Howard said he teaches young people about the importance of a positive mindset, physical health, ​“being connected with life,” and most importantly, values that help students discover their ​“passion and purpose.”

Alexis Ward also fearlessly stepped up at the event Thursday night to tell her story. Ward, a certified life coach based in Bridgeport, also had an adverse coming-of-age experience, leading her to work in youth development for over 10 years.

When prompted about her story with trauma she was quick to say, ​“Well I’m black, so it started first before I was born, systematically.” With a grandmother addicted to hard drugs, a mother involved in abusive relationships, and trusted male family members who molested her, Ward realized her need to fend for herself ​“at a very very young age.”

“I didn’t want to see that for myself or my future,” she said, so she delved into reading and research to figure out how she can help herself and her community. She ​“transformed the energy that was created from pain into passion and purpose,” leading her to receive a degree in sociology and a certificate in life coaching. She said that although ​“all of us” have pain, ​“we can use it to be productive” so we can ​“thrive despite the trauma.”

“Trauma for me is happening all the time, but the process of healing that trauma is also happening at the same time,” she said. ​“All of us have what we need inside of us to heal.” She compared the process to going to the gym: Mental wellness comes from ​“consistent work” in order to build up ​“spiritual stamina”.

“Be patient with the process,” she advised.

Kyisha Velazquez, an integrative therapist and director of clinical services and community programs at Integrated Wellness Group, also talked about turning her own traumatize experiences into constructive hep for others. At the end of the discussion, Velazquez offered a solution to the group: ​“Be honest with yourself and reflect: Where are you?”

The evening was a nearly two and a half hour emotional rollercoaster with the group riding on each other’s highs, but at times feeling the pain woven in their stories. It ended with a collective sense of fearlessness from hearing each other’s shared stories and experiences, and a determination to transform their life for the better.