Investigators seeking to get to the root of a whodunit have photographed four baggies filled with contraband — batches of chemically altered nightshades.
But they didn’t actually seize the evidence — for fear of stinking up police headquarters.
The packages, mailed anonymously, showed up at fire headquarters on Aug. 31, Sept. 3, Sept. 8, and again this Wednesday.
The packages contained potatoes that had cryptic messages written on them such as: “ADASHI PROTATO Ver. 21.9 Throw directly into fire for extinguish” and “… Throw to rear of building to complete 360.”
One of the potatoes had a picture glued to it: The face of Assistant Fire Chief Mark Vendetto.
After the fourth package arrived, the NHFD called in 1 Union Ave. to investigate.
Police Officer Brendan Hawley hopped on the case. And whipped out his camera.
“I took pictures of the potatoes which will be uploaded to evidence.com,” Hawley wrote in a report filed Thursday.
“I did not seize them due to the fact they would become rotten in a short amount of time not only losing their evidentiary value but also causing logistical issues.”
Hawley did “seize the 4 envelopes the potatoes were mailed in which were logged into the property room at 1 Union Ave.”
Hawley was able to trace the packages to a business called AnonymousPotato. The site, Hawley determined, “will send Potatoes with messages anonymously for predetermined price.”
It turns out the company has a website, but no listed phone number. You have to leave an email message to contact them. Hawley did that, “indicating they must stop all further correspondence and can be held liable for all further correspondence.”
Hawley had less luck figuring out who ordered the potatoes. The company’s name includes “anonymous,” after all. And he couldn’t apply for a search warrant “to compel the company to provide the details on who is sending the package,” because that would require the pursuit of criminal charges.
Assistant Chief Vendetto told Hawley he had called in the police because “he wanted the incident documented and to see if I could find out who is sending the packages.”
Upon further investigation (i.e. speaking with Vendetto), Officer Hawley discerned the apparent motive for the potato-bombing: Rank-and-file disgruntlement over new first-responder software the NHFD recently had installed. That would be Adashi Pro, presumably the cognate for the “ADASHI PROTATO” referenced in the mailed AnonymousPotato packages. Vendetto confirmed to Hawley that the shift to Adashi has “resulted in negative feedback from Fire Department Personnel.”
Vendetto further noted that the NHFD, too, had contacted AnonymousPotato “in an attempt to discover who is sending the packages and to have it stop especially considering they are being delivered to a municipal government building.”
Like Officer Hawley, the Independent emailed AnonymousPotato, seeking comment. The company had not responded as of the time of this article’s publication.
It could not be immediately determined the location from which the potatoes were shipped, and whether therefore the incident involved interstate commerce and potential FBI involvement in the investigation. However, Hawley’s report classifies the spud-sender’s alleged actions as a “non-NIBRS,” or National Incident-Based Reporting System, offense.
Assistant Fire Chief Vendetto told the Independent Friday that the incident is “an absolute non-story. It’s just firemen being firemen. We’re putting a stop to it.”
Reached Friday, Police Chief Otoniel Reyes said he does not as policy comment on an active investigation but promised that “there will be no spud left unturned.”
“At this time we do not believe there was a crime” involved here, Assistant Police Chief Karl Jacobson told the Independent.
“No potatoes were harmed in this incident,” Jacobson noted.
Taters gonna hate.