Contributed Photo
Mom Aisha K. Staggers and daughter Amaya Elle Kelly.
The class of 2020 will forever remember this year as the one where everything in their world was turned on its ear and they were forced to learn early in life that normalcy can often be mistaken for complacency. At least that is what I observe in watching how the coronavirus is affecting my daughter, who is a member of that class at Hamden High School.
What should have been the best years of their young lives is now shrouded in uncertainty. Days and nights that were to be spent making decisions about which college to attend, what to wear to prom and graduation festivities has now been replaced with keeping themselves and those around them healthy through social distancing and disinfecting. Their “normal,” now, in these abnormal times has many thinking what my own high schooler communicated to me: “[wearing masks] used to be a fashion trend. Now it is just a way of life.”
Most of us can remember those years and the various rites of passage in transitioning from high school to adulthood. Some of us remember them favorably, some may not, but we still have the memories of that time. The class of 2020 doesn’t have that opportunity and the lack of it speaks to a larger tale in which their existence as post‑9/11 babies is now punctuated by a pandemic.
How do we as parents make this okay? How do we tell our children who are so preoccupied these days with sickness and death that pain is not only how their story began, but could possibly be how it ends?
One of the things I have done to help my daughter to find comfort in an uncomfortable situation is to focus on what’s next. We have to communicate to our children that there will be a time when we move past this and that there is something to hope for. In my home, we decided that one thing would be college.
My daughter made her decision as to accept admission to University of Connecticut during this shutdown. We paid the deposit during the first week of our stay at home order. Not only do they have an excellent academic program; she would also be close enough to home to where someone could get her in an emergency, but have her independence at the same time. We have spent this time together on Pinterest getting dorm room decorating ideas, exploring colors, patterns and textures she liked. Then, we discussed how often she will come home, whether or not she will audition for the university choir and plans for a minor course of study that fed her passions as well as her academic aspirations.
Throughout this process, I have learned that while I can’t force her to accept our abnormal is not a permanent “way of life” in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic, I can help her plan for what normal can look like for her in the future. We have to keep them looking toward the future because that ultimately is what is being lost in missing the regular school activities they would otherwise be engaged in: the promise of a future beyond this year. In doing so, as parents, we can also find a bit of peace in the fact that there is a future beyond today. We have to. It’s all we have right now.
