Dealing With Death And Caring For Patients In A Pandemic

“There is no grief like the grief that doesn’t speak.”
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

Before I started training to become a nurse, I could imagine myself helping to deliver babies, passing the doctor forceps during a surgery, or nursing someone back to health after an illness. One thing that I decided early on was that I would never work in hospice. That ended up being the field that I now choose to work in.

I thought I would not be able to put aside my own feelings of grief to be an effective resource for those patients and families navigating an end of life journey. Interestingly enough, my initial desire to become a nurse was ignited by caring for my terminally ill grandfather and witnessing the kindness, patience and grace of his hospice nurses.

Although death is expected at the end of hospice care, watching a patient transition is still devastating. In times of immense tragedy and death on a mass scale, like we are experiencing in this Covid-19 pandemic, we as healthcare professionals have to come to terms with the fact that we do not have all the answers, or even all the tools to do the jobs we have sworn to do. It is important that we acknowledge the fear, doubt, and grief that we are all experiencing as we lose patients, colleagues and loved ones.

The first thing we must do again is to acknowledge our feelings. As a hospice nurse, I see death almost every time I go to work. There is no way that this trauma doesn’t affect me. At the end of our shifts, it’s important to perform an assessment on ourselves and acknowledge our feelings. Identify a colleague that you can talk to and be sure to ​“unpack” as much of it as you can prior to going to sleep and restarting your workday. Let it out, cry, scream, journal, pray…. whatever you can do to release the weight of the work that you do. Know that your feelings matter, and although you may have to temporarily put those feelings aside to address the needs of those around you, those feelings are still there. Allowing your emotions to ​“pile up,” can increase stress, weaken your immune system, and can cause you to be susceptible to the virus we are fighting. Find ways to channel those emotions, whether it is meditation, yoga, reiki, or exercise, ensure you have an outlet and a way to recenter your mind and thoughts in these very unsettling times.

Connect with your tribe, as other nurses and healthcare professionals are experiencing some of the same feelings you are. Find like-minded individuals, while still adhering to HIPPA and privacy laws, to discuss the trials and tribulations you are encountering on a daily basis. Feed off of each other’s positive energy and help each other find strategies to cope. If you feel completely overwhelmed, fatigued, and burned out, don’t be afraid to take a break. You are not good for your patients, their families, or yourself if you are unable to perform your duties due to exhaustion or grief. Request a day or even an hour off, if you can. As soon as you are replenished, get back to the good fight.

Although it is our job to take care of patients and families, as they deal with death and this life-threatening virus, it is also important that all healthcare workers look out for our mental and physical wellbeing as we work together to eradicate this great unknown.

Kebra Smith-Bolden is a registered nurse and longtime resident of New Haven. Her career in nursing has spanned 22 years.